After the tragedy of 9/11, the airline industry has taken on a serious posture. While this has meantt hat airline travel is not the fun carnival ride it was when Iwas young, it still offers some light hearted moments.
Here, for your enjoyment, are cabin announcements heard recently, "in the friendly skies."
1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants. Thank you."
2. Upon landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
3. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
4. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, please pick your favorite..."
5. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves your money more than Southwest Airlines."
6. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
7. A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
8. An airline pilot wrote that his airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited. After an embarrasingly hard landing, he was approached by a little old lady with a cane.
She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no, Ma'am," said the fellow. "What is it?"
Without a pause, the old lady said, "Did we land... or were we shot down?"
9. After another real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with this,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
10. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
11. After his plane reached it's comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard Flight 293, nonstop to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back, relax and... AAAAAAH! WHAT THE, - - OH, MY DEAR GOD!"
Silence followed, and the passengers were understandably worried.
After a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said in a reserved voice,
"Uh, ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of screaming hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"